Bingo

I'm not talking about the game and definitely not the farmer's dog.

Ibig ko sabihin konti na lang, bi-bingo na talaga ko sa trabaho. Ewan ko ba. Simula 2010 napakawalang kwenta ko nang empleyado. Akala ko nung una baka na-burn out lang ako at mejo napaaga lang ang quarter-life crisis ko. Pero dalawang taon na ang nakalipas slacker pa rin ako. Ayheyreeeet.

Nung 2010, I was the key person sa first-ever Russia project ng company. It was only supposed to be 3 months long which started March. Guess what? Natapos ng December. hahaha. Lakas maka-red alert sa mga bossing di ba? Grabe ang nangyaring escalation simula sa AVP to VP to CEO. Pero it was not entirely my fault, infairness to me. May pa lang sinasabi ko na sa boss ko na wag na ako ang team lead kasi parang feeling ko wala talaga ko sa mood. Oo ako na ang may mood swings sa corporate setting. Kapal ng mukha. LOL. Bandang June, sabi ko, sir masyado na pong nakakahiya sobrang delayed na, magreresign na lang po ako. Sabi ng boss ko, wala na too late na nandito na tayo eh. Sabi ko, so ano, sabay sabay na tayo magpakamatay sa project? Hahahaha joke lang. Di ko na yun sinabi. Yung boss ko parang di rin magaling dumiskarte eh. Commit ng commit sa Russia para ma-please eh napaka-absurd ng deadlines at deliverables. Ano kami makina? Tse. Nasabon ako ng mga 39 times grabe.

Modesty aside, hindi ako pinayagan magresign that time kasi they knew how good I was the previous years. At 22, I was already leading a team and I was some high-ranking manager's protege. O asan ang modesty aside dun? Makayabang naman ako di ba? Haha. O eh hayaan nyo na, tapos na ang masasayang araw ko. Hahahah. Pakyu. Ayun, downhill na ang gulong ko.

Lashir, nagresign na ako doon, sabi ko magpapahinga muna ako sa very toxic corporate world. I took this contractual job. Eto na nga yung Canada-based company na work-from-home set up. Pahinga na to dahil napaka-relaxed lang ng atmosphere. One year contract. Yung trabaho dapat madali lang eh kaso nagsaslack na naman ako. Simple tasks hindi magawa on time at maayos. Ewan ko ba nahihirapan ako magfocus. Most of all, hirap ako magsimula sa isang task. Parang blangko utak ko where to start. When I was in Toronto, my cousin shared that she meditates everyday. It keeps her focused daw. Hmmm.

Yung boss ko halatang nadidisappoint sya with me every time na magfifail ako na makapagdeliver. Kahit ako nafufrustrate na. I'm not sure kung marerenew ang contract ko after this. I'm prepared naman na kung hindi na nila irenew, nagiisip nako ng plans as early as now.

Unlike my previous employer, they know that I have the potential that's why they really didn't want me to go but dito sa bagong company, baka nagaalangan na sila dahil sa performance ko. Meron pa ako 4 months to do better.

Having said all this, I can say that I'm such a lucky bastard. All windows of opportunities have opened for me. They were all mine for the taking. I never had any moment that I have to beg for a job. Or wait in line for a job application. I was never turned down by a company. Never bummed. Everything fell into my lap. But here I am wasting it. This I know will be true: Someday reality will slap me in the face and my luck will eventually run out.

No, this is not self-pity. This is a realization. For now, I just to have to do better.

And I'm thankful I'm still blessed.